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Twas the night before Christmas, and out on the ramp,
Not an airplane was stirring, not even a Champ.
The aircraft were fastened to tie downs with care
in hopes that come morning, they all would be there.
The fuel trucks were nestled, all snug in their spots,
while peak gusts from three two zero reached 39 knots.
I sank behind the fuel desk, now finally caught up,
and settled down comfortably upon my butt.
When over the radio, there arose such a clatter,
I turned up the scanner to see what was the matter.
A voice clearly heard over static and snow,
asked for clearance to land at the airport below.
He barked out his transmission so lively and quick,
I could have sworn that the call sign he used was "St.Nick".
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Sure that it was only Horizon's late Dash.
Then he called his position, and there could be no denial,
"This is St. Nicholas One and I'm turning on final."
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
A Rutan sleigh, and eight Rotax Reindeer.
Cleared for the ILS down the glide slope he came,
As he passed all fixes, he called them by name:
"Now Ringo! Now Tolga! Now Trini and Bacun!
On Comet! On Cupid! "What pills was he takin'?
Those last couple of fixes left the controllers confused,
they called down to the office to give me the news.
The message they left was both urgent and dour:
"When Santa lands, could he please call the tower?"
He landed like silk, with the sled runners sparking,
Then I heard "Exit at Charlie," and "Taxi to parking."
He slowed to a taxi and exited Three-Two,
as he came down the taxiway the sleigh bells' jingle grew.
He stepped out of the sleigh, but before he could talk,
I had run out to him with my best set of chocks.
He was dressed all in fur, which was covered with frost
and his beard was all blackened from Rotax Reindeer exhaust.
His breath smelled like peppermint, gone slightly stale
and he puffed on a pipe, but he didn't inhale.
His cheeks were rosy and jiggled like jelly,
His boots were as black as a crop dusters belly.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old fool,
and he kindly informed me that he needed some fuel.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his toes,
led me to know he was desperate to powder his nose.
I spoke not a word, but went straight to my work,
and I filled up the sleigh, but I spilled like a jerk.
He came out of the restroom with a sigh of relief,
and then picked up a phone for a flight service brief.
And I thought as he silently scribed in his log,
that with Rudolph, he could land in eighth-mile fog.
Next, he completed his preflight, from the front to the rear,
then he put on his headset, and I heard him yell "Clear!"
And laying a finger on his push-to-talk,
He called up the tower for his clearance and squawk.
"After departure fly heading three two zero," the tower called forth,
"and watch for a Luscombe inbound from the North."
Then I heard him exclaim, 'ere he climbed in the night,
Merry Christmas to all, I have traffic in sight."

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It has been reported that Texas' worst air disaster occurred recently when a small two-seater Cessna 152 plane, piloted by two Texas A&M students, crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in College Station. Aggie search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect the number to climb as digging continues into the evening. The pilot and co-pilot survived and are helping in the recovery efforts......

These are some great aviation quotes:

Keep the aeroplane in such an attitude that the air pressure is
directly in the pilot's face. - Horatio C. Barber, 1916

When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten. -
Robert Livingston, 'Flying The Aeronca

The only time an aircraft has too much fuel on board is when it is on
fire. - Sir Charles Kingsford Smith, sometime before his death in the
1920's

Flexible is much too rigid, in aviation you have to be fluid. - Verne
Jobst

If you can't afford to do something right, then be darn sure you can
afford to do it wrong. - Charlie Nelson

Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be
held on a sunny day. - Layton A. Bennett

I hope you either take up parachute jumping
or stay out of single motored airplanes at night. - Charles A.
Lindbergh, to Wiley Post, 1931

Never fly the 'A' model of anything. - Ed Thompson

Never fly anything that doesn't have the paint worn off the rudder
Pedals. - Harry Bill

Keep thy airspeed up, less the earth come from below and smite thee. -
William Kershner

When a prang seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest,
 cheapest object in the vicinity, as slowly and gently as
 possible. - Advice given to RAF pilots during W.W.II.

Instrument flying is when your mind gets a grip on the fact that there
is vision beyond sight. - U.S. Navy 'Approach' magazine circa W.W.II.

Always keep an 'out' in your hip pocket. - Bevo Howard

The Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill
you. - attributed to Max Stanley, Northrop test pilot

A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to
its maximum. - Jon McBride, astronaut

If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the
crash as possible. - Bob Hoover

It occurred to me that if I did not handle the crash correctly, there
would be no survivors. - Richard Leakey, after engine failure in a
single engine Nairobi, Africa, 1993.

If an airplane is still in one piece, don't cheat on it. Ride the
bastard down.- Ernest K. Gann, advice from the 'old pelican'

Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death I Shall Fear No Evil For I am
80,000 feet and Climbing. - sign over the entrance to the SR-71
operating location on Kadena AB Okinawa

You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3. - Paul F.
Crickmore,

The emergencies you train for almost never happen. It's the one you
can't train for that kills you. - Ernest K. Gann, advice from the 'old
pelican'

If you want to grow old as a pilot, you've got to know when to push it,
and when to back off. - Chuck Yeager

Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you. - Richard
Herman Jr, 'Firebreak'

There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime. - Sign
over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970.

An airplane might disappoint any pilot but it'll never surprise a good
one. - Len Morgan

To most people, the sky is the limit. To those who love aviation, the
sky is home.

Life is simple. Eat, sleep, fly.

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Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left." Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry . . . we can fly just fine on two engines." An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry... we still have one engine left."A young blonde passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"

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Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

1. From a Southwest Airlines employee ...."There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."
2. Pilot - "Folks we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land...it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."
3. After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.
4. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National (now REAGAN INT'RL) lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella.....WHOA!"
5. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."
6. From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 555 to Phoenix. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more.
7. Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."
8. "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation and in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."
9. "As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
10. "Last one off the plane must clean it."
11. From the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry...Unfortunately none of them are on this flight...!"
12. Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it after an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
13. Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
14. An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally, everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I as you a question?" "Why no, Ma'am," said the pilot, "what is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"
15. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.
16. Part of a Flight Attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of us here at US Airways."
17. "We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke, contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you to the wing of the airplane."
18. "Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately."
19. As we waited just off the runway for another airliner to cross in front of us, some of the passengers were beginning to retrieve luggage from the overhead bins. The head attendant announced on the intercom, "This aircraft is equipped with a video surveillance system that monitors the cabin during taxiing. Any passengers not remaining in their seats until the aircraft comes to a full and complete stop at the gate will be strip-searched as they leave the aircraft."
20. Just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what ya'll are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendants' fault... It was the asphalt!"